Taking a look at all the stuff I gathered over the years, there was not much to mention. In all honesty, nothing comes to mind that much when reminiscing on WHY I kept those objects that were piling up in one space hidden from sight. If you ask me, “What is one of the most important things to you?” I probably would not know what to answer. I only ever kept things that seemed like an important memory, but would literally just forget about their existence the next day until I saw them again during “Spring Cleaning.” There was one object that brought back something to talk about most.

I remembered how we kept fish in the past. I remembered how me and my brother would poke on the glass of the aquarium as we looked at the reactions of the poor little things. The aquarium was decorated inside with coral reef wallpapers and fake shells and marbles, with a little stone mansion inside. I couldn’t remember how many fishes we bought and fed, and how many fishes that were either left afloat or that the bodies were found missing a lot of other parts. Over the years, I have certainly felt that I lost a bit of sympathy over the dead animals that were piled up and buried in the yard. For the rest of the years, I simply lost faith in pets that will continue to grow and live by my side.

There was only one fish that stayed alive throughout those times though. Since it proved itself to be staying permanently while living a long life, I named it “Janny” for the Janitor Fish. It was not just alive, it was actually growing, inside that small aquarium. It was a miracle to me. Of all the fishes that died no matter what we tried, there was a fish that actually survived. As long as it was alive, I wouldn’t mind what it did. Therefore, I guess that is a form of reason why I let it do what it wants.

Back then as I admired the decorations within the aquarium, I thrusted my hand inside. We bought a lot of marble decorations, and each of them all look so pretty to me, I decided to take just one marble. It was transparent with a few yellow lines inside. I could not help but marvel at the design and wondered how they do that in such a pretty glass stone. Janny was a medium-sized small back then when I stashed the marble away.

However, a few years later, I noticed something. Janny has gotten bigger. When looking at an aquarium with little fishes swimming about with a bigger fish in the corner, the thought of it being dangerous had almost crossed my mind. It was not until later that I found what my gut was telling me back then. I never saw the scene, but I think I saw enough that it only took less than a moment to figure out the puzzle. It seems to me that Janny knows what other fish tastes like. It was like a shark that changed its diet from dirt to blood.

I was young, and maybe a little naïve. I decided to just let the whole thing off my mind and never spoke of it again. I sometimes wondered if that was the right choice. It was not until a few months later that my parents suspected it because of Janny’s size getting bigger.

They decided to just transfer him to a huge basin. I was not against it but, when I looked back to the empty aquarium, I could now see that it felt desolate and unclean. It felt lonely. We still kept and fed Janny back then, though the water Janny was in wasn’t clear enough that I couldn’t get a clear look at him anymore, I was very earnest when feeding him. I still appreciate the janitor fish even if the aquarium was now empty. It was then I heard mom. She told me that she wants to transfer Janny to one of the man-made fish sites within the school she was working at.

I honestly could not remember how I responded but I felt as if I had no say in the matter. I felt a little upset but also had a bit of understanding. Janny could not stay here forever. And so, I let Janny be taken away without seeing him off. Though I have tried to visit the school with my mom as she was working there just to look for Janny, I could not find him since there were a lot of fishes. Now that my mom transferred to another school for a job, I have lost all excuses to find Janny. I sometimes asked mom if it was possible to see him or if he was doing well, the answers were vague since mom does not work there anymore.

I sighed at times when I am reminded that I may not ever see Janny again. All that is left from that empty aquarium, was the yellow marble that I have safely stashed away. I wonder if I was more insistent on seeing Janny, maybe I could have found him and been well taken care of. I would not know. It is just that sometimes, whenever I look at that small glass marble with the yellow cursive lines inside, I wish to myself that Janny is in a more comfortable place right now, rather than a dark basin in murky waters.