Do you ever wonder if, by some chance in another world, the concept of self-worth is more concrete than abstract? That in that universe, your value is determined by the market? Just thinking about it is hilarious, but if you’re a believer of the multiverse and you know that exists somewhere — it’s just plain awful.

People often define and evaluate themselves based on their perceived notion of their own “self-worth”. This stems from their self-esteem, a different subject altogether, but still closely tied to self-worth. Based on their self-esteem, they create this sort of “reward system” that gives them the idea that because they are only at a certain level, they don’t deserve to feel a certain way. That because they’re like this, they can’t complain. That because they don’t have the looks nor the smarts “to match”, they have to accept what comes their way. That if they can’t afford to be happy with themselves and what they already have, then they shouldn’t be who they are. 

Picture this: you’re in a market. It’s expansive, and you know this because you’ve walked for miles but you still can’t find the corner. In the Big Market, you find everything that you’ll need: from basic necessities to tools that you’ll need in order to up your self-worth, kind of like remanufacturing yourself. You buy everything you think you need, stock piles upon piles of items that you think will help you “level up”, but as soon as you look back, you realize that you’ve lost yourself.

The thing is, it isn’t inherently a bad thing to want to change. The right thing to do when you see that you’ve done something wrong is to change your ways; the one, base solution to turn to when you want things to improve is to change; the one thing that we should do in order to live a comfortable and accessible life is to change the system. But when you start erasing, re-erasing, rewriting, erasing again, the paper gets ruined. It becomes brittle, easy to rip, fragile to touch. If you change yourself for the sake of others—for the sake of thinking you must be someone to feel something—for the sake of that fleeting emotion of belongingness when you’re not yourself, then how different is it from thinking the real you is unwanted? How different is hating yourself from not knowing who you are anymore?

Contrary to what motivational quotes and posts say, you exist in this universe not for a grand reason. It doesn’t matter if the biggest thing you did today was to wake up or to brush your teeth, or if the most worthwhile thing that you’ve ever done in your life already happened four years ago. You exist because you matter—you exist because the people you love also love you. 

The next time you look in the mirror and feel bad, then let yourself bask in it. Self-worth, while hard to come by, can only be found once we have also found ourselves. There is no room for someone to tell you that you don’t matter, not even yourself! Because the next time you look at yourself, you’ll look with more kindness in your eyes. And even if you think you can’t and never can, just remember; your worth is more than anything in this world. Though imperfect, you are worth it because. You exist because. You are loved because. You matter because.